You know you love me.

Hate

I don’t hate anyone.

At least… That’s what I’m trying to convince myself.

Hating someone takes time, takes energy. Worst of all, the person you hate doesn’t even know that you hate him/ her. So there’s really no point hating. You’re just wasting your own time.

But most of the time, you don’t choose whether or not to like or hate a person. It’s just an emotion, a feeling you get instantly or grows slowly in you. If might even be confusing- that you don’t want to hate that person but you really didn’t choose to.

Me? I try not to let words hurt me. I try not to let people hurt me. I try to lock myself up. I try to block everyone out.

But I can be easily broken. My shield is not strong, but weak without power nor strength.

I loved without a reason. I forgave without thinking. But over time, I changed.

I wonder about the people around me. Who’s real and who’s fake. Who are my real friends and who aren’t.

I found myself thinking differently than before. Finding myself annoyed by the things I once loved. I found beauty in a lot of things.

I no longer wait for the perfect guy. But try to improve myself. To attract better guys.

Because, really. What’s the beauty of something so perfect that it seems photoshopped?

Imperfection is beautiful.
Accept others for how they are.
You can’t change others, but you can change how you think.
Live your life. Make it beautiful.

Why?

Why do you even bother loving when you get nothing in return? How can you express how you feel when all you get back is only an ice cold stare? How long do I have to wait for the right guy?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Before, I used to think that I’ve been in a few relationships. Now, I’m not so sure. Summer flings? Check. Kiddy love? Check. A brief relationship? Sure. But nothing serious. And I’m pretty tired of that. I’ve had guys who were two timing me. Guys who left the country without telling me… And I’m sick of that too.

So I thought. What now? I know I’ve met the right guy. At least for now. I know he isn’t interested now. I know I’ve lost my chance. And I know it’s not the right timing. So I promised myself.

Unless it’s that guy. I’m not gonna date. I know I can’t control it if I fall for someone. But I can control how I think now.

And now, I have to appreciate the things around me, love myself before I try to love anything or anyone else.